When I created this blog, I wanted to create a diary that I could write in about things that I am passionate about. I wanted to create a little corner where I could go and hide away and indulge in things that I love. Whether it is travelling, make-up and clothes or just my personal lifestyle. However, there were also times in my life where a big dark cloud was shadowing over me and it seemed like I could not get rid of it. And I wanted to talk about it.
So let’s begin.
I think it’s fair to say that at some point during our lives, we have been betrayed. Whether it has been a friend, a co-worker, family member or someone we have loved. It could have been something insignificant or it could have caused us a major heartbreak. If anyone has read my bio prior to me changing it, you would know that I was going to get married to a person who I thought I would spend the rest of my life with. I was beyond excited about this journey that would lead to a shared life together with the person who I loved unconditionally. However, the person didn’t share the same love towards me and eventually my fire burned out. But hey, I don’t intend to make this post all about me being mistreated. This post is meant for anybody who has been betrayed to know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
Although my heart hasn’t healed completely from this, I wanted to share a few tips that have been helping me on my journey to being completely healed. I’m not there yet, but hopefully soon.
- Think about the situation that you were in – Think about the situation when you were betrayed, evaluate it in your mind and see what went wrong. It usually takes both people to contribute to the difficulties to arise. Was it the lack of communication? Were your standards too high? Or were you a doormat to the other person? But try not put the blame solely on yourself as it always takes two to tango.
- Don’t be so hard on yourself – Whether it was a light situation that didn’t leave a big black mark on your life chapter, or something that has caused you a great pain, you need to allow time for yourself. Whether it is time for getting over the disappointment or time to heal your heart from the heartbreak. Don’t rush yourself or push yourself to move on quicker as that would be causing more harm than gain. Be patient with yourself.
- Learn from this experience – Referring back to the first point, think where everything went wrong. Whether there are certain things that you need to improve about yourself or whether you just need to stop letting other people treat you less than you deserve. Maybe you just need to learn to communicate better. When you learn from your experience, you have the opportunity of helping other people around you who might be going through a similar thing. You might be able to help them as you have went through this yourself and based on what you have learnt from the experience, you will develop more empathy for others around you.
- Focus on yourself – When my heart was broken by the person who my life revolved around, I realised that I have forgotten who I was. Maybe you have also put a lot of energy into someone, then got disappointed by them and then felt empty when they were gone. Take this time to find yourself, figure out who you are and what you are passionate about. My way of doing this was to go travelling. When you travel, you are forced to get out of your comfort zone and let your true self to come out. You may find that you are more brave than you thought or that you are more bold. It will liberate you. It will also inspire you. Think about countless of music artists who have made their careers out of their broken hearts (*cough* Taylor Swift *cough*). Put this energy into yourself and find something that you love doing.
- Forgive them – This point and the next one are the ones that I honestly have the most trouble with. I’m probably a hypocrite for adding these points whilst I, myself haven’t followed these points to the end. But I do believe that both of these points are very important for healing and moving on. My mind understands why forgiving them is important but my heart refuses to. How can you forgive someone who has caused you so much pain, caused you to cry or even caused you to become depressed? But maybe I have also done something that have caused them an immense pain, maybe I need their forgiveness too. Whatever the situation was, forgiving them means that you allow yourself to move on.
- Forgive yourself – How could I have let someone treat me like that? Why did I not see it sooner that they will hurt me or cause me pain? Why did I not prevent my heart from breaking? Why did I not listen to other people around me who tried to protect me from that person? But remember, whatever doesn’t kill us makes us stronger. This is the time when you will discover how strong you are even when you don’t believe it at times. Maybe you could foresee that you would be disappointed by that person but you are human. We follow our hearts and simply hope for the best. Forgive yourself because you are worth more than that. Forgive yourself because you are amazing and there is something better out there for you. Even if we don’t believe it right now. This leads me to my next point:
- You will be ok – There will be dark times, times when you won’t want to crawl out of bed because you don’t see the point of going out into the world. Times when everything will remind you of that betrayal but also that love. Being betrayed by somebody means that you cared. It means that you have loved. Maybe that love didn’t stay this time around, maybe that love didn’t fight for you or show you your true worth, but there will be a love that will stay. Love that will stay and make you even more grateful for it. You will appreciate it even more. There will be a time when you will start loving life again, you will start appreciating yourself. Hold on to those times. Look forward to a brighter future. Onwards and upwards.
I wanted to apologise if I have gotten a bit carried away or if I let my emotions out a bit too much. Maybe this is like my therapy to getting better and healing completely. I also wanted to point out that although I am hurting, I don’t want to bash the other person who has caused me this pain. As I said, it takes two to tango.
If you have made it this far, thank you. Let me know if you have any more tips or thoughts about the points that I have made.